It’s one of the most frustrating and worrying experiences for parents: your once chatty teen suddenly turns into a master of one-word answers.
“How was school?” → “Fine.”
“What are you up to?” → “Nothing.”
You start wondering: Is this just normal teenage independence… or is something more serious going on?
You’re not alone. Many parents in Minnesota and across the country struggle to tell the difference between healthy independence and early signs of depression in their teen. The truth? Withdrawal can be part of normal development amongst teenagers but it can also be a signal that your teen is hurting.
Why Teens Pull Away
Pulling away is often a part of normal adolescent development. During the teen years, kids are building their own identity, testing independence, and seeking more privacy. They naturally want to make decisions without parental oversight and may gravitate toward peers for support. Brain development plays a role too, the reward and peer-seeking centers mature faster than the areas responsible for long-term planning and emotional regulation, which can make withdrawal and mood changes more common.
However, withdrawal isn’t always about growing up. Teens may pull away due to shame, embarrassment, or the desire to protect parents from their struggles. Avoidant coping can be their way of handling social stress, academic pressure, or personal disappointment. Digital life compounds this with added stress from social media comparisons, online drama, or cyberbullying which can lead to secrecy and isolation. Physical factors like poor sleep, nutrition changes, and hormone shifts can also reduce their emotional availability.
Signs It May Be More Than Typical Teen Moodiness
While no single sign confirms depression, a cluster of the following may indicate your teen needs extra support:
- Loss of interest in hobbies or activities they used to enjoy
- Changes in sleep (too much or too little)
- Irritability or anger replacing typical moods
- Drop in grades or motivation
- Changes in appetite
- Expressing hopelessness (“What’s the point?”)
- Avoiding friends, even ones they were once close to
How to Start a Conversation with a Withdrawn Teen
Even though having conversations around emotions can be difficult at times for the teenage age group, it can often times be a great way to start them feeling supported and come out of their state of withdrawal again. Sometimes the way we ask matters as much as what we ask. Try:
- Choosing a calm moment (not right after an argument or during a stressful time)
- Using open-ended questions: “I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter lately. How have you been feeling?”
- Validating their feelings: “It makes sense you’d feel that way with everything going on.”
- Avoiding rapid-fire questioning- teens often need time to open up
If talking directly is hard, consider starting with a shared activity (cooking, walking, driving) so conversation happens side-by-side rather than face-to-face.
When Therapy Can Help
Therapy is not just for crisis moments, it can also be a safe, proactive step when your teen begins to pull away.
- Individual therapy gives teens a confidential space to talk without fear of judgment.
- Group therapy can help them connect with peers facing similar struggles, reducing feelings of isolation.
- Family therapy supports communication and helps parents learn effective ways to respond
If you live in Minnesota, our teen therapy services are designed to help teens process emotions, develop coping strategies, and re-engage with their world.